When Burnout Feels Soul Crushing

Burnout doesn’t always show up loud. Sometimes it’s just this quiet heaviness that follows me around, a dull weight that makes everything harder than it should be. Even things I want to do feel impossible, like they’re a mountain instead of a small step. That’s when I know it’s not just being tired, it’s something deeper.

The wild thing about burnout is how it steals the joy out of everyday life. It’s like someone turned the saturation down on the world. And that’s scary, because I catch myself wondering: is this just who I am now?

What makes it worse is how empty and lonely it can feel. People see me show up, smile, maybe even crack a joke, and they assume I’m fine. But inside I’m running on autopilot, counting the minutes until I can crawl back into bed, spending hours trying to convince my brain to let me do just one task. And when nobody notices, part of me feels resentful, but another part just feels guilty like maybe I’m not “struggling enough” to deserve rest.

I hate how conditioned I am to keep pushing. My outside self whispers, just get through this week, just finish this one more thing, just be strong a little longer. And then another week passes, and my inner self even more drained than before. It’s like being stuck in a loop I can’t climb out of.

What I’m teaching myself is that burnout doesn’t mean I’m weak. It means I’ve been carrying too much for too long without putting anything (or even just enough) back into myself. And that doesn’t earn any special award. That’s dangerous. I don’t want to lose myself in the name of being “responsible” or “reliable” to everyone else.

Right now, I don’t have a neat solution tied up with a bow. I’m not here to hand out five tips to beat burnout. All I can say is that I’m trying to be more honest with myself. To admit when I’m at my limit. To ask for help before I completely collapse. And maybe that’s the most I can do: stop pretending I’m okay when I’m not.

Because at the end of the day, I want my life to feel like mine. And burnout makes me feel like a stranger to myself. I don’t want to live in grayscale anymore.

If you’re reading this and it feels familiar, take this as your sign to pause. Step back. Check in with yourself. Ask what you need and give yourself permission to actually have it. You don’t need to earn rest, and you don’t have to wait until you can’t push on any longer.

And if you need reminders of that in smaller doses, come hang out with me on Instagram @s.idneylauren. I share bite-sized content there — little nudges, real talk, and reminders that you’re not alone in this. Sometimes it just takes a quick scroll to remind you that you don’t have to face everything by yourself. You can also check out my previous blog post to find some small and quick activities to implement some self care and refresh.